Romans 14 has come to be one of the most misunderstood and misused chapters in Scripture. Some today take it to authorize smoothing over any doctrinal difference, from instrumental music to baptism to even homosexuality. They call this wrenching of the passage "grace." When paired with its sister passage I Corinthians 8, however, its true meaning becomes clear - and that meaning is not what my friends on the theological left infer.

First, note that these passages speak only to matters where God is indifferent. They do not apply in matters where there is a clear command from God. Note what Paul writes in v. 14: "I know and am convinced in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself; but to him who thinks anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean."  In context, what he's saying is, unlike the Old Law, no meats are unclean under the Law of Christ; thus, whether one eats or not is a matter of indifference to God.

Practically, if there's no agreement between the two disputants that God is indifferent to the matter at the heart of their disagreement, there's no point in running to Romans 14. If I believe X is sin and you believe it isn't, trying to browbeat me with this passage only distracts from the central question: Is X sin or not? Resolve the question of what God's will is and you resolve the problem.

Second, note that these passages refer to individual action, not collective. The eating of meats was a personal action, not one done by the church collective (v. 2-4).

This is important - crucial, even - because many of the issues incorrectly shoehorned into Romans 14 are matters of collective action. Trying to impose Romans 14 on collective action results in the supposed weaker brother facing a choice between violation of his conscience or leaving the congregation. Is unity so important to some that they'd force their brother to sin in order to have it? It certainly seems that way to me.

What is Paul's main point in these passages? It's about priorities. Your brother is more important than your preference. Paul said that he would gladly give up his preference to retain his brother (I Corinthians 8:13), and this is what he enjoins Christians to do as well (Romans 14:13, 15,  20-21; I Corinthians 8:9-13). When we use Romans 14 as a club to force what we see as a preference on others contrary to their conscience, we cause either sin or division. "Go along with me or leave" is the practical result of such doctrine, and the exact opposite of Paul's intent in these passages.